A Search for Meaning
“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. Those who have a “why” to live can bear with almost any “how.” –Viktor Frankl
I’ve been slowly reading and reflecting on a book I first read in a philosophy class 40 years ago, Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist, psychiatrist, and philosopher. Prior to the war his primary focus was in the areas of depression and suicide. This book has sold over 16 million copies since first published.
In 1942, Dr. Frankl was arrested and sent to a Nazi concentration camp, eventually ending up at Auschwitz. Imprisoned until the end of the war, the first half of Man’s Search for Meaning is a reflection of his experiences and observations of people in the most horrible of circumstances.
While the threat of execution was always real in the camps, Frankl observed that many prisoners who escaped the gas chambers still died, not from diseases like typhoid, but from hopelessness. These observations brought clarity to his prior academic exposure to philosophers like Nietzsche. He came to believe that there is meaning even in suffering. That in turn led to the remarkable quote at the beginning of this post.
After the war, Frankl fully refined his philosophy of psychology, which he called logotherapy. Unlike Sigmund Freud, who thought human motivation was derived primarily from pleasure, and Alfred Adler, who said our motivation is derived from power, Frankl was convinced that our motivation to live is derived from meaning.
Think about how many of the choices we make in careers, in relationships, and in all other priorities are driven by either pleasure, power, or meaning. Perhaps most telling are the choices we make when financial needs are reduced or eliminated.
In a previous post, I told the story of a neighbor, a retired three-star general, who had found his reason for being in power and authority. He took over our largely defunct homeowner association and tried to enforce rules that had been forgotten or ignored for years. Unfortunately for him, civilians were not compelled to respond favorably to his citations, and he soon moved away in utter frustration.
Contrast that with how many of us have escapist fantasies about what we’d rather be doing. Our thoughts often go to our recreational pleasures. The daydream of being on a great trout stream, or tramping through the woods has got me through many a boring meeting. But I’ve seen and heard from enough clients to know that recreational pursuits can often lose their appeal if they become our only investment of time and energy.
That’s why I’m convinced that finding or refining a sense of meaning or purpose is the key toward a happier, more fulfilling next chapter–what we call a Second Rodeo.
In earlier seasons of life, we lean toward responsibility. I think of military service men and women who endure all kinds of hardship because of a sense of duty to country. A lot of other people have endured miserable work situations because that crappy job allowed them to provide for a family. The meaning was in the ability to provide, not the job itself. Yet when circumstances change, it’s not uncommon to ask, Why did I stick with this awful job for so long? The meaning has dissipated.
Parenting small children often feels like a weighty responsibility. It can also be quite meaningful. But children quickly grow up and go on to create lives of their own. If parenting has been our primary source of meaning, our identity, it can leave us to wonder, who am I, now that my kids no longer need me in the same way?
These types of responsibilities are among the reasons our search for deeper meaning doesn’t emerge until later, becoming that North Star that guides us in the second half of life. Let’s also acknowledge that this search can be motivated by the realization that we have more years behind us than in front of us. Reflecting on our accomplishments and the impact of our life on others thus far can be the motive we need to do something different, something more meaningful, something more significant.
Frankl said, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” This work of self-transformation is never easy. In our work, we guide clients to a greater sense of their skills, interests, and their unique personality. We explore boundaries, which have often been porous in earlier pursuits. Then at some point, the need to align actions with deepest values becomes paramount.
If you’ve been experiencing more restlessness than satisfaction lately, call me. Our process will lead you to clarity about yourself and your next chapter.
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